inventions, innovations and improvements i need NOW

Every now and then we all think of something that ought to have been invented already. Here goes my running list (to be updated whenever I think of something new or learn it's been invented)

1. when i get some cold, cough, fever etc. i want the exact diagnosis right away - no clinical diagnosis ("it should be a viral - just wait it out"), no guessing ("let's try an antibiotic for a few days"), etc.
2. written, spoken language recognition everywhere. scanned docs should not be treated as images. i shouldn't need my hands to browse the internet or flip channels in my tv/radio or turn off the microwave, etc.
3. not-dumb traffic signals - i should never have to wait several minutes at a light when there is no other vehicle in sight
4. easy-empty tooth paste tubes - getting the last ounce out should not require pro-wrestler strength
5. one volume setting for all programs all channels, be it on TV, radio, ipod, whatever (i have a feeling this one is already around, just not available in the stone-age devices I tend to own)